I don't normally do "this is how my day went" posts anymore. But I had a horrible day! First, I was late to school, and I'm sure I'll be receiving a detention notice any day now. That would be my second detention of my life, you know. I was crying this time too. My guidance counselor was trying to make me feel better about it, because it was just being a couple minutes late to homeroom. But, still, it just feels so wrong! Now I'll probably be stuck with that bald guy that gives me weird looks like he did in my last detention. I'm totally not a bad girl at school! I mean, I wouldn't have cared about a detention if I was! But, since I truly do care, I was tearing up. I was also supposed to see my Geometry teacher so he could try to explain radicals to me and I could take a test that I missed from a while ago. He's a great teacher, but I'm so slow with understanding radicals... let alone dividing and multiplying them! He was also very nice when I explained why I didn't show up in the morning.

I did score a goal in Gym class floor hockey. It was luck, because in no way am I skilled or athletic! I actually do enjoy some sports. But I know I'm not great at them! At lunch, my friend's boyfriend broke up with her so she was crying a lot. I felt so sorry for her. She's such a sweet girl! I did okay on the Biology test I took today, but the French test was so hard! There's no way that I did well on that test. Absolutely everyone said it was way too difficult! At the end of the day, I found out I have a job interview for a pizza place that I really want to work at! The woman who owns the place, Rosa, also said that she "really liked" me! I really hope that I get the job! I really want to work. I think I used "really" about a million times talking about my potential employment.

I also just found out that an old friend of mine lost everything, including all of her pets' lives, in a fire yesterday. Her mom has some burns, but otherwise her family is okay. I saw the pictures of her house, and it was completely destroyed by the flames. I can't image the heartbreak and grief that her family must feel for all of their lost pets, possessions, and their home. I hope their family will stay strong and that God will be with them as they try to recover from this horrible tragedy.

There are a thousand other things going on, but I'm not really in the mood to blog about them now.

Always, Two Days Until Forever

Looking at my friends, I noticed a characteristic about almost all of them. I'm drawn to tortured souls. That sounds quite horrific. But I often befriend those who have seen the darker sides of life. I feel as if they can understand me whenever I need to talk. I feel as if I can relate to them or understand them even if I haven't been through the same things they have experienced. I think about the people that I'm not usually friends with - the kind and ordinary people who haven't been afflicted with too much. I have no problems with these people at all! I just don't connect completely with them, and therefore a sort of distance exists between us. I feel like I live in a completely different world, and well, I know that I do.

Also, I have to keep so many secrets to myself, or simply a very small group of trustworthy friends, because I know everyone else wouldn't understand. They haven't been through it, so they cannot comprehend the events and the emotions at all. The sad part is that most of them don't even try. They attempt to share your dark secrets in an ugly way of warped gossip, when it's just the reality of my life. So many people will most likely never know how I really feel and what I have been through. But, it doesn't matter since I know that if I told them, it wouldn't mean what it should.

Always, Two Days Until Forever

Contrast

I hate when people tell me what to do, but I love when people tell me that I am not able to do something. I don't mean in not being allowed to do something, but in being incapable. I hate pressure but I love proving myself. I don't necessarily desire someone constantly telling me I'm incapable of everything. But, when it's for the right thing, the negativity becomes my fuel. Over the years, I have encountered many people that did not believe in me. But, I have either knocked them cold with my current accomplishments or I have them in the waiting to be surprised. I don't develop an "in-your-face" sort of ego. But I do say, "Well, here I am, exactly where you said I would never be."

I'm a feminist, but I am also feminine. I'm independent and romantic. I'm an introvert and an extrovert when I'm not. It may sound like a dichotomy, but I don't feel ambivalent at all. I feel like me. I like to see two sides to extremes and find the balance of the two. I believe in empowering women but in also being a woman. I believe in having the ability to stand on your own but also in being able to fall in love. I believe in solitude but also socializing. I find my sense of peace when I stand in the middle of nature.

There are times when you cannot compromise. This is my truth when it comes to faith and character. I have no difficult in loving others with different religious or spiritual beliefs. But, I do struggle a bit with lesser character. I would never disrespect someone or start drama for fun or immature things like that. I have a hard time getting along with those people or saying something to them. I confess to being judgmental in situations where innocent people are hurt. It's something I have to work on, but I know I can do it.

I Believe In World Peace

I am a teen queen, but my views concerning world peace are not a front for pageantry. I have always believed that global peace is attainable. I do believe that corruption can be taken care of. I do believe that innocent people can depend on a functional and responsible government. I trust that crime will ease and that justice will be honest. I believe that hate and stereotypes will no longer be tolerated. I believe that human beings can get along and work together in harmony. I believe that animals will no longer be abused. I believe that humans will not be denied of their deserved equal rights and freedoms. I believe that love will make the world go round. I believe in this with my whole heart. I believe in these dreams, and one day I will actively contribute to bringing them all into reality.

People do not take the concept of world peace seriously. People seem to think that I believe that world peace is something that will happen overnight. World peace is something to strive for with one little step at a time. World peace requires intelligence and demands loving all people equally. World peace requires action to become possible. You only hold yourself back when you think of the darkness in the present. When you step back and think of all that has been accomplished, you realize that mountains have been moved ever since human beings have existed. We have made mistakes along the way, and we still have a distance to travel, but this is human nature after all. But, if we work towards progress and maintain hope for the future, then we can accomplish anything we set our minds to.

World peace is not perfection. World peace adapts to all societies and cultures with respect and reason for all. World peace is the dignified maintenance of neighborly cooperation, understanding and acceptance. I believe world peace is an accomplishment within reach. When you look out of the window of the world, it may be hard to see now. But there is a glimmer of hope in the stars and sun that tells me that this dream should not be let go.

As a child, there are so many promises that you make and not so many that you can keep. I had vowed never to let life harden me, but sadly I have given in to a bit of the power. I have been through so much, and been kept far away from my dreams for too long. It's almost expected that I wouldn't start to transform. But there is always something inside that does not let me give up. Sometimes I contemplate surrendering to the darkness and abandoning my hope. Sometimes I run far away from reason and faith. But something inside never lets me get away with losing hope. Hope may seem small at times, but it is always there.

I always have thought that I have seen the lowest point in my life, only to go down deeper. I always think that tomorrow is the day everything will change. But the tomorrow I hold on for is more distant than the true tomorrow. The tomorrow that keeps me going is in my future, but I don't know exactly when this tomorrow is. The only answer that this tomorrow will one day be real. I know that this dream of tomorrow will come true. Until then, all I can do is live with today.